A few weeks ago, I woke up before my alarm went off. It was early, my husband had already left for work, the sun hadn’t come up yet and it was peaceful.
I stretched and yawned, listened for the dogs to start whining and pacing and jumping around the bed realizing I was awake and for the cat to pounce on my pillow and howl for breakfast. There was paw shuffling and pouncing, but there was also head nuzzles and puppy kisses–the kind of affection that reminds you unconditional love is absolutely real.
This was going to be a good day.
Not just any good day, but one of those good days I think only people with chronic depression or anxiety can really appreciate.
It’s the good day that quotes are pinned to pinterest about and inspirational bullshit is blogged about. It’s the kind of day that makes stupid clichés seem almost true.
If depression is having a rock tied to your leg and drowning in the ocean during a hurricane, good days are cutting that rope and floating to the surface on a calm summer day, taking a huge gulp of fresh air and basking in the warm sunshine on your skin for the first time in what feels like an eternity. It is a relief to be alive and a reminder that you will live.
When there are good days, everything tastes like the most wonderful food you’ve ever eaten, every song on the radio needs to be sung as loud as you can with the car windows down, every rhythm and melody must be danced to…every rain drop and sunbeam is a wholly exhilarating sensation.
Every “Thank you” you whisper for this respite is filled with kind of overwhelming gratitude that brings you to tears with joy.
Good days aren’t just good, they are…well, I don’t know if there is a word or descriptive phrase that can come close to expressing exactly what it means to have a good day.
Good days are like a perfect spring day on the beach with no responsibilities. They are all of your favorite songs played in a row, the sound of a baby’s ecstatic laughter, and waking up to a litter of puppies kissing your face all at once.
It’s just another day–you wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, but good days are different. You think “Wow, is this what real life is supposed to feel like? Is this how other people feel on any regular day? How long can it stay this way? How long can I ride this wave?”
You have to remind yourself to be present in the moment, because if you let your mind run too far ahead, you might crash.
I’ve learned over the years there is no real way to anticipate good days, or how long they will last, or how many of them I will have in a row, at least for me. But I have learned to recognize them when they come and smile a little wider, say thank you a little more, and share that joy with those around me.